Content Summary
For the husband who feels enslaved to his struggle with pornography, Curtis Solomon offers hope in his book Redeem Your Marriage. The author begins by first helping the reader have an accurate understanding of the many ways pornography impacts the husband, his wife, marriage, and their relationship with God. Solomon writes “I want you to despair over your sin, but I don’t want to leave you there. I want you to see your sin for what it is, but then I want you to turn your gaze upward toward Christ, allow him to pull you out of the muck, and walk with him through the rest of eternity.”
Solomon helps the reader see that part of the redemption process is coming to grips with the many ways pornography has wreaked havoc in one’s life and marriage and bringing that to God in the form of a lament. He explains that lamenting is the action of bringing our griefs and sorrows to God and plays a significant role in both healing and growth. The reader is encouraged to address three kinds of grief resulting from pornography. First, the losses and pain the wife has experienced. Second, learning to compassionately grieve with her. Third, grieving one’s own losses resulting from pornography use.
Both repentance and the fruits of repentance are discussed in detail. The author helps the reader to gain a biblical understanding of the elements of repentance, the need to address underlying and accompanying sins and what it looks like to walk in repentance. Walking in victory daily means that there is a daily renewal to die to self, turn from sin, say no to temptation, and say yes to Jesus. 
Victory is not the absence of temptation but facing temptation and not giving in to it. For the husband who has yet to disclose his struggle with his wife, helpful guidance is provided. Solomon infuses hope by helping the reader to see that perfect obedience is not the only evidence of true repentance. He describes the biblical image of repentance as not being someone who turns away from sin and never looks back, but someone who changes their orientation to sin and then repeatedly fights to keep moving away from it. A biblical understanding of forgiveness is provided, as well as helpful steps to take as reconciliation begins to take place.
In addition to confessing sin, the author devotes several chapters to forsaking your sin. A simple acronym, AAA, is given to help the reader remember key principles in fighting sin. AAA stands for admiration, accountability, and amputation. Admiration is focused on turning to and worshipping Jesus. Drawing near to God through developing “habits of holiness” that include Bible reading, prayer, church attendance, Scripture meditation, fasting, etc. Getting to know Jesus in a deeper way requires spending meaningful time with Him. Accountability, the second “A,” is defined by the author as a God-given aid to in forsaking sin and putting on righteousness. Accountability is not one person going through a list of questions with someone each week. Accountability involves relationships that help the husband accept responsibility for his actions, learn from past behavior and encourage righteous living in place of sinning. Amputation, the third “A,” involves cutting off opportunities for temptation. Solomon emphasizes that amputation without admiration and accountability is merely behavior modification, and the heart inclined toward sin will find another outlet. Because sexual sin is both invasive and pervasive and threatens your marriage, your family, your livelihood and your soul, radical steps to cut off sources and channels of temptation are both necessary and biblical.
1 Samuel 25 provides a biblical account of a husband who doesn’t listen to or accept the counsel of others and a wife who is her husband’s greatest ally. The author uses this biblical example to challenge husbands to enlist their wives as their ally in this fight. This will require a significant shift in thinking for both husband and wife. General principles and details are discussed to help both husband and wife make that shift and encouragement is given to get help from a biblical counselor in this process. The goal is to find a balance where the wife does not feel like she is alone in the battle, she doesn’t feel like she must be the purity police, but she also doesn’t feel cut off from the process.
Drawing on his military background, Solomon stresses the need to prepare a written transformation plan. This plan should include areas of temptation and how to deal with them, an accountability schedule and details of those meetings, a plan to handle unexpected temptations, what to do if there is a relapse, a plan for habits of holiness, and ways that to begin serving others and grow in gratitude.
The author concludes with a challenge to live like David. While David had times of significant sin in his life, he is known as man after God’s own heart. Walking in faithful repentance is hard. It takes perseverance. But through it all, Jesus is our example, our motivation, our inspiration, and our loving Savior.
Primary Area of Usefulness
Redeem Your Marriage is an easy to read and very practical book. The author writes from his own experience as one who has struggled with pornography and assumes his readers are also struggling to walk in freedom. While it targets the husband struggling with the impacts of pornography in his life and in his marriage, the single man would also benefit from reading this book. Many of the principles discussed would apply to any man regardless of their marital status.
Examples of Usefulness
Some practical ways to use this book in counseling might include having a counselee read specific chapters that coincide with topics being currently discussed in counseling. There are questions at the end of each chapter that could be assigned. The transformation plan discussed in the book would be especially helpful for any counselee struggling with pornography to complete and follow. The AAA acronym is a helpful way for counselees to remember key principles in fighting sin. Having a counselee memorize these principles and be able to explain each one and list one way they are living out each principle might be another helpful assignment.
