This time one year ago I was planning how to kill myself. Being alive in 2010 was my greatest fear. My despair became desperate as the clouded thinking of 5 years enveloped me.
Shortly before my plan was ready to put into action, I was stunned by my parents giving me the ultimatum of checking into a psych ward or coming to Vision of Hope. I had never heard of Vision of Hope and the thought of coming here was frightening. My trip from my home state was miserable in every way.
Vision of Hope has astounded me from the first time I walked in the doors. The staff’s commitment to love and not let go of anyone, to never give up no matter how tough someone tried to be, and to speak truth no matter how uncomfortable the situation has been a daily picture to me of God’s faithfulness.
In the past 7 months, I have finally learned how to connect the theological mandate of glorifying God to the everyday activities of life. For the first time what I had always “known” was the point of life became a desire of my heart and found practical outlet in my life.
Life became bigger than my own comfort, satisfaction, or pleasure. I am no longer trapped by the impossible struggle to be satisfied by what I can see, taste, or touch.
My purpose of loving my mighty and marvelous Savior by obeying His desires for my life is slowly being fulfilled one action, one day at a time.
One of my biggest challenges has been learning to face hard things. I’ve spent my life trying to avoid, ignore, or cover up conflict and pain. Slowly I’m beginning to see God as good enough and powerful enough to allow and use every difficulty in my life. Rather than run from hardship, I can use it to reflect who my God is.
As I’ve learned more of the gracious, faithful love of my Savior and powerful, unchanging grasp of my Creator the more futile and empty I see living for my own gratfication and comfort. Being captured and held by the one who designed me to know Him is so much more than I could ever find on my own.
Vision of Hope has truly been my lifeline. It is not an exaggeration to say I wouldn’t be here without it. God is here and working, and I am so grateful to be here.
