Jessica\u2019s daughter, Avery, tended to become emotional and disobedient when she was told to do something that didn\u2019t suit her. Just a few days earlier, the angry four-year-old launched into a full-blown, five-alarm temper tantrum\u2014complete with tears, flailing appendages, and full-throated screams\u2014when Jessica told her to put toys away.<\/p>\n
Jessica was familiar with Avery\u2019s pattern. She and her husband had spent hours providing discipline and instruction to address Avery\u2019s conduct, but the struggle continued. Truth be told, Jessica was becoming weary of the battle.<\/p>\n
One day, Jessica walked into Avery\u2019s room to see that her daughter had decided to play dress-up. Avery was singing and sashaying about her room in the Sunday dress she had worn to church, the tights she had worn to dance class, the winter gloves she had worn outside, and the fuzzy socks she had worn the night before.<\/p>\n
While it was wonderful to see her daughter\u2019s creativity on display, Jessica also saw that Avery had tossed all of the clothes from her hamper onto the floor in the process of dressing up. Avery had done this before. On that occasion, she had been instructed not to throw her clothes about the room again.<\/p>\n
Now, Jessica was faced with a dilemma. Should she address Avery\u2019s disobedience? Should she make Avery put the clothes back in the hamper, or should she ignore the problem?<\/p>\n
Jessica knew that Avery would not like being told to clean up her room. She envisioned the melt-down she might instigate by giving Avery that instruction. She imagined the debate, the drama, and the discipline that would follow. She was overwhelmed by the thought of it.<\/p>\n
\u201cIs this act of disobedience really a big deal,\u201d she asked herself. \u201cDo the clothes really need to go back in the hamper? What if they remain on the floor until Jesus returns? Would that be so bad?\u201d<\/p>\n
Jessica had the choice of two paths.<\/p>\n
Most Christian parents can relate to Jessica\u2019s predicament. Allowing kids to do as they please is easy (but wrong in many cases). Training kids to make good choices is hard (but right in every case). And sometimes (maybe most times), parents feel like they do not have the energy to do what is right. So, how does parents find the motivation to do what they should?<\/p>\n
In Ephesians 6:4, we learn that parents are responsible to bring up their children \u201cin the discipline and instruction of the Lord.\u201d That is the Lord\u2019s command. If parents fail to steward this responsibility, they become just as disobedient as a defiant four-year-old. This means discipling children is not optional\u2014it is God\u2019s expectation.<\/p>\n
In Jessica\u2019s case, Ephesians 6:4 takes \u201cPath A\u201d off the table. She must address the clothes Avery tossed on the floor. Jessica can allow Avery to have some fun singing and dancing about the room, but she must also train Avery to handle her responsibilities.<\/p>\n
Parents can very easily make \u201cchanged behavior\u201d the goal of their parenting. Unfortunately, anytime people set goals for themselves that can only be accomplished by others, they have chosen the wrong goal. \u201cChanged behavior\u201d may be a desired outcome of a parent\u2019s discipleship, but it should never be the goal.<\/p>\n
Instead, a parent\u2019s goal must be to please the Lord. That goal can be achieved regardless of a child\u2019s response. Fathers and mothers should share with their children the responsibilities God has assigned to them as parents. They should also explain that the discipline and instruction they provide flow from a desire to be obedient to God. Children need to understand that all people\u2014even adults\u2014are responsible to obey God. Parents that faithfully and consistently \u201cdiscipline\u201d and \u201cinstruct\u201d give their children a model of obedience to follow.<\/p>\n
When deciding between \u201cPath A\u201d and \u201cPath B,\u201d Jessica needs to remind herself that her goal should not be \u201ca drama-free afternoon.\u201d Rather, her goal should be to please the Lord by faithfully training Avery. Though discipling Avery might be challenging, it would be time well spent.<\/p>\n
Choices have consequences. That is true for children, but it is true for parents as well. Sometimes the consequences of a choice are immediate. Sometimes the consequences take years to surface. Regardless, fathers and mothers must parent with the end in mind.<\/p>\n
In Jessica\u2019s case, the immediate consequence of choosing \u201cPath A\u201d would be a quiet home. However, by failing to address Avery\u2019s disobedience, Jessica would train Avery (because children are<\/em> trained even when parents fail<\/em> to train) to believe that having fun is more important than obedience or stewarding responsibilities. The long-term consequence of that choice would be a self-centered daughter that values pleasure above all else.<\/p>\n Conversely, if Jessica chooses \u201cPath B,\u201d the immediate consequence might be an exhausting afternoon of discipline. However, by addressing Avery\u2019s sin, Jessica would train her daughter to believe that obedience is more important than having fun. The long-term consequence of that choice could be a self-controlled daughter that makes pleasing the Lord her top priority.<\/p>\n Frequently, when parents recognize their children\u2019s patterns of behavior, they try to avoid situations where their children will be apt to sin. When they see anger beginning to build, they will distract or divert their children to prevent a blow-up. That may be acceptable on rare occasions, but in general, parents should allow their children to face situations in which they will have to choose between pleasing the Lord and pleasing themselves. In fact, parents should prize such moments.<\/p>\n If parents remember that their primary responsibility is to bring up their children \u201cin the discipline and instruction of the Lord,\u201d they will recognize such situations as golden opportunities to observe the progress their children are making. If a child responds to a trying situation in a way that pleases the Lord, parents have the chance to witness their child\u2019s reaction and to praise both the Lord and their child for the growth. If the child responds in a sinful manner, parents have an opening to provide still more discipline and instruction.<\/p>\n When children sin, they reveal their need for a Savior. Jesus had to die for every act of disobedience children commit. Discipline conversations are a wonderful time to review the gospel and to remind unbelieving children that forgiveness and victory over sin are only possible through a personal relationship with the Lord. If parents remember their responsibilities, their goals, and the consequences of their choices, they will not avoid challenging situations. Instead, they will embrace them.<\/p>\n Photo by Kiwihug<\/a> on Unsplash<\/a><\/small><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Remember The Opportunity<\/h2>\n
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