![\"Dating](\"https:\/\/faith-blog-assets.s3.amazonaws.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/13\/20170523133802\/dating.jpg\")
A couple of weeks ago, I was asked to respond to a young lady who was looking for some biblical advice about her dating relationship.\u00a0 There is a lot of discussion about this subject in Christian circles.\u00a0\u00a0While there are some points on which there can be little debate because the Bible provides such clear answers, on other points, good people often arrive at different conclusions.\u00a0 What follows is my attempt to address her questions about the subject…<\/p>\n
<\/strong>We should be up front about the fact that the Bible never uses the word “dating.”\u00a0 That\u2019s because the practice of dating is a rather recent development within the past few hundred years in Western culture.\u00a0 In Bible times, marriages often began as the result of an agreement between families.\u00a0 However, just because the Bible doesn\u2019t explicitly mention dating, that doesn\u2019t mean biblical principles shouldn\u2019t guide the way we approach the practice.\u00a0 The Bible is God\u2019s guidebook for our lives and it speaks in great detail about the way in which we\u2014especially brothers and sisters in Christ\u2014are to relate to one another.\u00a0 Because a dating relationship is nothing if not a testing facility for “relating to one another,”\u00a0\u00a0the Bible’s counsel is essential.<\/p>\n The first question a single person considering or already involved in a dating relationship ought to ask is:\u00a0 What is the primary purpose of dating?<\/strong> Should a dating relationship serve solely as a platform for determining a couple\u2019s suitability for marriage?\u00a0 Can a dating relationship be entered into for the mutual enjoyment\u2014whether intellectual, emotional, or physical\u2014of its participants?\u00a0 Both of these questions pertain to the purpose of dating, and the Bible has teaching that can help us address this issue.<\/p>\n In 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8, the Apostle Paul exhorts Christians to take care in the way they relate to members of the opposite sex.\u00a0 He urges them not to \u201cdefraud\u201d their brothers and sisters.\u00a0 The word \u201cdefraud\u201d carries the meaning of selfishly taking something for personal gain or pleasure at someone else\u2019s expense.\u00a0 Because of the time men and women spend with one another while dating, couples inevitably develop progressively deeper levels of emotional intimacy.\u00a0 You could say that dating relationships are like intimacy incubators.\u00a0 As intimacy deepens, the opportunities increase for couples to defraud one another by stirring up passions that cannot righteously be fulfilled.\u00a0 Paul\u2019s admonition serves as an apt caution for couples to guard against deepening levels of intimacy when righteous outlets for the expression of such intimacy do not exist.<\/p>\n For these reasons, I believe couples ought to enter into dating relationships with the expressed goal of determining whether they should be married.<\/strong> There is certainly no problem with couples enjoying the time they spend with one another as they date.\u00a0 (If they don’t enjoy spending time with one another, that would serve as a pretty clear signal that they should not proceed into marriage.)\u00a0 However, mutual enjoyment of the time spent together should not be the primary goal.\u00a0 As the relationship progresses, each person should seek to determine whether the other possesses the traits of character and personality that would make him\/her a suitable spouse.<\/p>\n But what kinds of traits should a person be looking for in a potential mate?\u00a0 The Bible lays out several criteria.<\/p>\n In marriage, Christians are to be \u201cequally yoked\u201d with their spouses.\u00a0 The Apostle Paul says,<\/p>\n 2 Corinthians 6:14-15 The Bible is pretty clear about this requirement:\u00a0 Christians should never consider marrying someone who does not profess Christ as his\/her Savior.\u00a0 And if a Christian cannot marry such an individual, he\/she should not consider dating such an individual.\u00a0 Before beginning a dating relationship, the very first thing a Christian should seek to determine is whether there has been a definite time in the prospective partner\u2019s life when he\/she has\u2026<\/p>\n Without first being able to make such a determination, the idea of dating the person in question should not be entertained.\u00a0 And if it is determined that the prospective partner is not a Christian, then the question of dating that person must be ruled out altogether<\/strong>.<\/p>\n \u201cBut,\u201d you say, \u201chow can you determine whether someone is a Christian without knowing them first?\u201d\u00a0 Good question.\u00a0 The answer is:\u00a0\u00a0you can\u2019t.\u00a0 Some level of relationship\u2014prior friendship, introduction by a mutual acquaintance who knows each of your beliefs, etc.\u2014must exist prior to the start of a dating relationship.<\/p>\n The potential spouse must be growing in his\/her relationship with Christ.\u00a0 The question of \u201cequal yoking\u201d is not answered once you know what the other person\u2019s believes.\u00a0 He\/she must also be striving faithfully grow as a follower of Christ.<\/p>\n As two individuals each strive to become more like Christ, there will be a deepening commitment to a common set of goals and values between them.\u00a0 As they draw closer to Christ, they will necessarily grow closer to one another.\u00a0 However, if one Christian is striving to faithfully follow Christ and the other is not, they will have fewer and fewer things in common as each progresses on his\/her chosen path.\u00a0 The believer who is serious about honoring God should never consider partnering with someone who will not encourage and stimulate his\/her spiritual growth.\u00a0 Such individuals would not be equally yoked.<\/p>\n <\/strong>God calls men to be lovers (Ephesians 5:25-30), learners (1 Peter 3:7), and leaders (Ephesians 5:23-24) of their wives.\u00a0 Christian women should be looking for men who will be committed to sacrificially loving them as Christ sacrificed Himself for the good of the church.\u00a0 They should be looking for men who will commit themselves to living with them in an understanding way.\u00a0 And they should be looking for men who will seek to lead them (and any children that may result from the marriage) to bring glory to God.<\/p>\n God calls women to help and support their husbands (Genesis 2:18), to reverence them (Ephesians 5:33), and to follow their leadership (1 Peter 3:1-6).\u00a0 Christian men should be looking for women who will partner with them in the accomplishment of their daily tasks and family goals.\u00a0 They should be looking for women who will speak to them and of them with respect, who will honor them as the God-appointed leaders of their homes.\u00a0 And they should seek women who will joyfully follow their leadership even in times of disagreement.<\/p>\n <\/strong>As each person in a dating relationship evaluates the character of the other, a clear answer to the question of suitability for marriage should become evident.\u00a0 If it becomes clear to one person that the other does not possess the character traits outlined, he\/she may lovingly encourage the other person to give attention the areas of deficiency.\u00a0 Encouragement to seek out the counsel and discipleship of more mature believers is always helpful.\u00a0<\/p>\n However, if after a period of time, it becomes apparent that the other person is not acting to sufficiently correct the perceived deficiencies, the relationship should be ended.\u00a0 Though ending a relationship may be difficult, it is often necessary to \u00a0prevent individuals from developing deeper levels of intimacy that would cause them to defraud one another\u2014either emotionally or physically.<\/p>\nDefining the Relationship<\/strong><\/h2>\n
Being “Equally Yoked”<\/strong><\/h2>\n
\nDo not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?\u00a0 Or what harmony has Christ with Belial, or what has a believer in common with an unbeliever?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n
Growing in Christ<\/strong><\/h2>\n
What Women Should See and What Men Need to Be<\/strong><\/h2>\n
Vice Versa<\/strong><\/h2>\n
Fish or Cut Bait<\/strong><\/h2>\n
Helpful Safeguards<\/strong><\/h2>\n