Creating a Culture Where Infertility Can Be Discussed

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I don’t know whether my church growing up talked about this issue or not. Maybe they did and I was in the wrong class or maybe I did not have the maturity to recognize the wisdom that I was hearing. Regardless of all the reasons, when our first attempt to have a child was not very successful we were not sure where to turn. I suspect that this same experience is true for many other young couples who learned the hard way that pregnancy was not always as easy as it seemed.

So in this post I would like to talk about creating a culture where couples can talk about this struggle openly and honestly and that genuine and thoughtful help is available. Lets deal with first things first.

To those who want to help Continue reading →

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Ministering to Those Struggling With Infertility

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Whether you have struggled with infertility or not, I would hope that the previous posts have encouraged you to see how large the struggle actually is and that you would not want folks in your church suffering on their own. The question then becomes, “How do I minister to them?” Here are three great ways to start.

#1. Do not offer up “what worked for you” advice unless asked.

In our quest to be genuninely helpful, sometimes we say things are only make it more difficult.  People are not the same and the “solutions” for a pregnancy are not identical. I remember that my wife and I had tried to have a child for about a year. The longer we were unsuccessful the more advice we received. Everything from what we should eat and drink, to what type of clothing we should wear, to when and how often we should have sexual relations and on and on the advice went. Our personal favorite was the dear folks who told us not to be stressed about it. Not be stressed! Really? There were even occasions that we received advice we did not ask for. In due time, we did have a child, three in fact, but to this day we cannot identify a “magic trick.” It seemed to us that we would try to have a child and then the Lord would give the increase in His time. Honestly, that is the way the Lord has worked in many couples’ lives.

So, please do not seek to help those struggling with infertility by simply explaining what worked for you. That may or may not be their experience.
Continue reading →

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Aroma

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Everybody is a stinker.  You either stink bad or good.  You either stink terribly or pretty.  To say stink good or pretty is actually an oxymoron so let’s contrast stinker with aroma.  But let me illustrate and then show what God wants from you.

In front of our house my wife has planted a flower called “Lilly of the Valley.”  This has literally taken over her flower bed.  Due to this fact it seems to be more of a weed than a flower.  So why do we tolerate this flower/weed?  For one thing once it is in the garden it is extremely difficult to remove.  But the main reason comes from another source.  In the spring of the year that flower is very pleasant.  When we walk outside we are immediately surrounded by a very pleasant fragrance from those tiny flowers.  It is a delightful aroma.  It permeates the air in front of our house.  It is impossible to escape it.  That could be labeled a good or pleasant stink. Continue reading →

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Stewarding Your Infertility

In the previous post, I tried to help you through comfort. I wanted you to believe that (1) You are not alone; many others are suffering from this same problem; (2) that it was not your fault; even if your doctors can pinpoint a particular problem; and (3) that God can deliver you from childlessness just as He has delivered many others in the past. Today I would like to encourage you to go a bit further. But I only want you to go here if you are ready. If the first post seemed overwhelming, read it again and the passages referenced. But if you are ready, let me encourage you to take the next step. The next step will not relieve the pain, but it will give you joy in the midst of it. Continue reading →

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Infertility: Silent But Very Painful Suffering

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Dreams.  We have all had them.  I remember growing up in Columbus, Ohio dreaming of playing middle linebacker for the Buckeyes.  I dreamed of tackling the running backs for losses and sacking the Michigan quarterback to end the game.  I dreamed of intercepting a pass in the Rose Bowl against USC – another one of the teams I hated – and running for a touchdown.  Reality hit my freshman year of high school.  I was 5’6” and I weighed 121 pounds. My dream was over.

However, the death of this dream was not a big deal.  After all, there is only one middle linebacker for the Buckeyes each year.  They made it to the Rose Bowl only some of the years (even prior to the BCS) and middle linebackers don’t intercept many passes.  So, even if I had been bigger my chances were still very small of seeing that dream fulfilled.  But some dreams seem much more realistic and some dreams die much harder.

Imagine, if you will, a little girl.  She gets a doll for Christmas that looks like a newborn baby.  The little girl cares for the baby, tucking her into her own little crib, she comforts her baby when she “cries,” and she applies band-aids on all her “boo-boos.”  This little girl dreams of marrying a wonderful man who will care for her and treat her like a princess.  After a couple years, they will have their first child and they will live happily ever after.  Sometimes it doesn’t work out that way. Continue reading →

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Facts about Faith Regional Biblical Counseling Training Conferences

Faith began a counseling ministry here in Lafayette in 1977 and it was not long before the word began to spread and a conference began. Over the past three years we have started conducting training conferences in other parts of the country. We still get questions about the relationship between the Regional Conferences and the Annual Conference. People also want to learn a bit more about the Regional Conferences and how they work. This blog is a resource to help all of you understand the what and why of our conference ministry. Continue reading →

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Communicating the Balance of Gospel Indicatives and Gospel Imperatives

Posted on August 29, 2011 by Rob Green

In my last post (Gospel Indicatives and Imperatives: Where is the Debate Anyway?), I mentioned that the discussion about gospel indicatives (some like gospel directives) and gospel imperatives (some like gospel obligations) is really about balance. It is not fair for one group to accuse the other of not believing in both. It is fair to say that one person holds a different balance of indicatives and imperatives. I tried to show, however simply, that the various books of the NT were not uniform in how they addressed the question of the balance. In some books, the focus is almost entirely on belief, position in Christ, and the newness of being one with Christ. In other books, however, the task seemed to focus not so much on what they know, but on what they are doing with what they know (i.e. imperative). This idea led me to conclude that a wise counselor will have a healthy dose of gospel indicatives and gospel imperatives at his disposal and will know when it is most appropriate to use them. My focus now turns to the matter of communication and conversation.

What does it look like to communicate both gospel indicatives and gospel imperatives in a counseling relationship? Here are 3 ideas … I am quite sure there are many more (please post the ones that have helped you in your ministry so we can all benefit from your experience). Continue reading →

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Gospel Indicatives And Imperatives: Where Is The Debate Anyway?

Posted on August 25, 2011 by Rob Green

Many of you already know that on various blogs, including The Gospel Coalition, there has been a discussion concerning gospel indicatives and gospel imperatives in the sanctification process.  It is not difficult to see how this debate has significant influence in the realm of biblical counseling.

I would like to enter this discussion by first explaining, at least if I have understood the posts properly, what everyone already agrees about.

  1. Everyone agrees that the NT includes both indicatives and imperatives.  This means that no one is taking out their proverbial scissors and cutting out parts of the Bible.  Those who have emphasized gospel indicatives also believe that imperatives are important.  Those who emphasize imperatives also believe in the significance of gospel indicatives.  Some posts seem to want to prove there is a both/and in the Bible.  While I agree that there is a both/and, it seems that is not the location of the debate.
  2. Everyone agrees that the indicatives lead to the imperatives.  In other words, a person who has not yet understood the gospel is not in a position to obey the gospel.  A person may behave in some positive ways, but that does not mean they are behaving in a way that pleases or gives glory to God.  Again, any blog that suggests either side does not take seriously the importance of the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus is not being fair.

If the debate is not about either of those two issues, what is it about?

The crux of the debate seems to be the relative balance given to the communication of these two concepts in the sanctification process.
The crux of the debate seems to be the relative balance given to the communication of these two concepts in the sanctification process. The folks arguing for the indicative side of the equation might argue that 80% (I am making up the percentages for illustrative purposes only) of our communication should be focused on a theology of “remembering” or “appreciating” all that God has done for them in Christ Jesus.  “Preach the gospel to yourself everyday” seems to be one of the key phrases.  Their position is that the more God’s people meditate on the gospel in their daily lives, the more they will be motivated to put the commands of Scripture into practice.  Since the motivation is already there, the command section is not all that difficult. Continue reading →

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Humility: The Solution to a Real Problem

Why Are We Not Humble?

Our pride, which is really the root of all of our sin, goes all the way back to Genesis 3 when Adam sinned against God in the Garden of Eden.  God made it very clear, and very simple, when the Lord God said, “From any tree of the garden you may eat freely; but from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat from it you will surely die” (Genesis 2:16-17).  While Eve was deceived, Adam did it willingly (1 Timothy 2:14) – it was a conscious choice to do what he did.  In short, Adam was proud.  He (similar to another created being named Lucifer, otherwise known as Satan and the Devil), did not want to submit to God’s authority, and therefore chose to rebel and revealed the pride in his heart!  Who was Adam thinking about when he made that choice?  Who became the most important person in Adam’s heart? Who was going to make the ‘final call’ on the boundaries that were established in the Garden?  The answer to all these questions is, Adam!  He was thinking selfishly, and his heart was full of pride.  In Romans 5:12, Paul wrote “Therefore, just as through one man sin entered into the world, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men, because all sinned.”  So, Why are we not humble? It’s because of the effects of the curse of sin on all of our lives.  The short answer to this question is: Pride – and notice what is the center of the word P-R-I-D-E. Continue reading →

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Cutting: Bleeding the Pain Away

Posted on August 12, 2011 by Amy Baker

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If you’re a cutter, you know what it’s like to feel the pain welling up inside you.  It feels like any second you’re going to explode.  In the past you may have cried, gotten angry, accused, complied, or blamed yourself, but now you cut.  You’ve prayed, asking God to change things, to make you want to stop cutting, but you feel as if your prayers stopped at the ceiling.  You don’t pray anymore.

Unlike the emotional pain, you control the physical pain created by cutting.  You know it’s not normal to get relief by cutting, but it does bring release and nothing else seems to work.  You reason, “Why would I give it up when nothing else works?”  In your heart however, you know that this doesn’t work either.  You are having to cut deeper and deeper, more and more frequently. Continue reading →

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